How can working mums balance work and family life and be happy?

Mums can often be judged for leaving their children and heading back to work full-time while it’s expected that dads go to work to provide. Don’t ask me why this sexist stereotype still exists in 2022, but we all know it does. And running a business or being employed and being a mum and managing to maintain a healthy family life balance, being there for all the stuff you need to be there for and not dropping all the plates is a challenge. So how do you do it?

Here are 10 ways.

1.Ditch the Mom guilt.

You may not have the option of being a stay-at-home mom, or you may choose to go back to work because you have a career that’s important to you. Either way it’s a choice that is yours and not to be judged or shamed. Don’t feel guilty about not being with your child all the time, you are setting good examples and it’s time to let go.

Your child will feel the extent of your love and understand your sacrifice, you’ll still have time for them too.

2.Find flexible childcare that you trust 

Having been through over 5 different childcare providers with my youngest before both he & I felt happy, I know the stress that comes with having no flexibility, having to pay extra cash if you want to swap days, or not being able to swap days at all. As if leaving him crying at the door in the morning isn’t enough and then worrying every hour that he’s ok but not feeling “it’s ok” to call. 

Truth is it’s not worth the added stress. Take time to find the right place for both of you. Knowing that your child is cared for is crucial to having peace of mind when you are at work.

3.Get a joint calendar with your partner

The mental load that working mothers take on is a responsibility that no one else can truly understand.
It’s you in charge of keeping track of appointments, non uniform days, homework, signing permission slips, remembering birthdays, buying gifts, writing cards, staying on top of clothes and sizes, managing their health, knowing what’s in the fridge, pick up times just to name a few.
My partner and I use a joint calendar now and it works. I drop things into it that I need him to do or to know, and he blocks out time, and vice versa.

4.Use time saving life hacks

To get the most done in the least amount of time, use shortcuts and plan strategically.
Order your groceries online. Schedule client calls during your commute and get quick errands done during your lunch break to free up more time during the week. Use "to do" lists, mine are pages long and never get completed but I can’t sleep if I haven’t dropped it on there. They still work to help you stay afloat of tasks and not miss anything.

5.Don’t waste time on time wasters

Time is such a precious commodity when you are a working mom. And you have to make decisions where and with whom you choose to spend your time.

You don’t have time to socialize like you used to. You have to prioritize, and people in your life have to understand, or exit. Don’t feel guilty that you’re not that party girl you once were, that you need to be home for dinner and bedtime not out on the town or having business dinners after work. You have to make some sacrifices.

When at home, focus on your partner and your child rather than your phone or the TV (impossible I know, but that’s the intention) Try to ensure that the time spent together is meaningful and intentional.

6.Create meaningful family activities. Book in advance.

Make the time that you spend with your family really count by planning activities that everyone will look forward to and enjoy. It doesn’t always have to cost a fortune, we do free things outdoors and we also book days out in advance. It helps me to plan my schedule, knowing that if I have to work on a Saturday I’m planning to take the kids out on a Sunday.

Organize a family cinema night in the lounge, or camping in the garden. Ask your children what they want to do with family time, and invest. You can have the best of both worlds.
Collect moments not things. 

7.Share the housework (get a cleaner.)

The burden of housework should not just be the females. I’m lucky, my partner is very “domesticated”. And he pulls his weight, he does more loads of washing than me. And buys all the cleaning products in bulk! 

Another option to consider is spending money on a cleaning service. It can be hard to justify spending money on something you can do yourself, but if having an unkept house is a major source of stress. Having a cleaner saves the argument of whose cleaning the house all the time when you are both working parents. Trust me.

8.Say yes, to less.

Determine how much your schedule can handle and choose the activities that your child will enjoy the most and that you have time for. Sometimes we just need to spend a few hours crafting, or watching tv and cuddling inside our own 4 walls. 

Don’t feel bad about saying no to the rest. I don’t say yes to every kids party, play date or every dinner invitation. Overbooking takes all of the fun out of the experience and leaves no time for much needed rest! 

9.Lower your expectations

Most of the pressure that moms have to cook healthy and tasty meals “from scratch” daily, maintain a perfect house, and be the perfect parent are expectations that we put on ourselves. No one else demands as much as you demand of yourself. If you lower your expectations, you will find a lot of the unnecessary stress can be eliminated. Your home does NOT need to be spotless every time a guest comes over, especially if the guest also has children. Buying the cake for the bake sale instead of baking them yourself or buying a costume for world book day instead of sewing it yourself does NOT make you a bad mom. Home cooked meals everyday is a great goal to strive towards, but leftovers and pre prepared food, the odd can of baked beans will also feed your family just fine.

10.Make time for you.

I’ve spent nearly 7 years gaining baby weight, breast feeding and potty training children, building a business for 3 of these years and trying to raise 2 under 5. With very little or zero time for me.

You must make time for you.
It is crucial in maintaining inner peace and balance within the hectic environment of work and home life. It’s crucial for your sanity. Moms have a bad habit of putting their own needs last in order to take care of everyone else first. But if you aren’t taking care of yourself, how can you expect to take care of anyone else well? I’ve recently started doing 2 exercise classes a week - dancing, which gives me time to myself and time to let go. Rather than facing exhaustion and burn out, being pulled in a thousand different directions and never taking a break. (I’ve been there.)

Try to relax and recharge, meet friends leave the kids with dad or find a trusted baby sitter. 

You need it, and trust me. You can do it.

L x

Image taken for Wokebabies and entry into The Financial Times.